I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
