I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
