we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
