; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
