I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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