Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would photoshop your dick
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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