fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
