i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize