Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
