I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she peed on how many people?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
