Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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