I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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