okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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