problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
