Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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