i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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