oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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