she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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