Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
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literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
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Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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