Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Let's get the cat blown out
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