He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
