Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
