just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.