theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.