How is your vagina???
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome