allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
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These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.