Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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