He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
