And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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