from now on my penis is your penis
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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