Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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