I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
