it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
