he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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