Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
