It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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