I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
