what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
