just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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