My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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