We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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