i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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