When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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