I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
