Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
