I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
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