JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
