i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
