this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
