She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
