if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
