It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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