i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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