If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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