Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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