From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
