Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
