Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
