I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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