I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
