We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
