Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
