my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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