Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
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well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
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It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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