Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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