I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
